I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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