I wish I only lived at night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
