Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
