he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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