Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
