I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
