I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
