So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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