Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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