So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
