Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
