she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
