You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
