on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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