I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
