I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
