I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
