You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
