he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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