Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
