I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
