whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
