YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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