Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
