Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
