I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
