i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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