4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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