I'm passing your future prison.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We are all done wearing pants today
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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