If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's shark week go big or go home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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