When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize