My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
