She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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