My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
