Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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