I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I lost the right to judge tonight
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
