we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
