Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
