dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
