If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize