I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
