and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
