Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
