I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
