Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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