Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
