Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
