you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
