Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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