so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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