this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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