Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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