I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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