Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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