Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
