I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
