bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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