going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
