it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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