Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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