hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
