apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
