I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize