help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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