I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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