Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
worst night to have a conscience
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
