Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
