So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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