So drunk its hurt
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
