She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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