real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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