You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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