the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
