she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
