how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
