i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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