Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
