Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
