508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
