so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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