I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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