Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
