I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
