She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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