shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
