I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is the high leading the old right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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